Monday, September 26, 2011
First Guest Article: Cradilly
from blogger SSlick from screwattack.com, neither are affiliated with Cradily and its existence
"(#4): I realize I am not the first person to point this out, but Cradily very obviously has dicks sprouting from it. Not only that, but the stem and the top of it looks like a dick itself. So essentially, Cradily consists of dicks on dicks. There is nothing gayer than that until you realize that Cradily is also part rock-type, which means that those are some pretty hard dicks rubbing against each other. Cradily is not the worst Pokemon, but it is the gayest. Cradily makes a pretty good wall though. A wall of dicks."
First Post Post: (derp) Bidoof
We begin with the most recognized, insignificant Pokémon, Bidoof, the sorry-ass, Rattata wannabe. It has asses for a mandible, and I can only imagine how annoying it must be for 4th and 5th generation players to have to "run" from about 10,000 of these (I wouldn't know, I stopped after Crystal). I understand that every game needs a weak, common Pokémon, for purposes of balance and starting, but this guy is dumb dumb shit. The creators could not be fucked to come up with a decent throwaway Pokémon, they came up with this dumb ass rip off. Derp.
Statement Of Intent
The first 150 Pokémon are sacred. They are powerful, proud, and noble, and adorable. And complete. Their colors and ecology fill a warm place in my childhood and in my memories. My generation may very well be a better generation because it had Pokémon and the morals and principles it maintained unflinchingly.
When Pokémon Jhoto was released I was a bit too old to be captivated in the same manner as I was when I was a younger, but the series opened up new characters, new Pokémon, and new adventures and I grew to love it.
Then it all started going to hell. Though the show may have preserved its message, the Pokémon themselves lost all their charm and innovation.
Nobody wants their children cuddling with this guy: http://pokedream.com/pokedex/images/sugimori/453.jpg?1306803310.
This new breed of half-assed bastard pokemon warp the minds of the world's youth, and are an insult to the legacy of the original starters, commons, uncommons, rarities, and legendaries that made Pokémon great.
Thus this blog will serve to underscore to shameful depth to which the greatest franchise of all time has fallen to. A new Pokémon will be highlighted every so often for discomfort and entertainment. Guest articles and contributions will be also posted from time to time, as well as humorous nostalgia and homages. This blog may evolve to something more in the future, or I may stop caring.
Squirtle, I freaking love you man.
September 26th, 2011
When Pokémon Jhoto was released I was a bit too old to be captivated in the same manner as I was when I was a younger, but the series opened up new characters, new Pokémon, and new adventures and I grew to love it.
Then it all started going to hell. Though the show may have preserved its message, the Pokémon themselves lost all their charm and innovation.
Nobody wants their children cuddling with this guy: http://pokedream.com/pokedex/images/sugimori/453.jpg?1306803310.
This new breed of half-assed bastard pokemon warp the minds of the world's youth, and are an insult to the legacy of the original starters, commons, uncommons, rarities, and legendaries that made Pokémon great.
Thus this blog will serve to underscore to shameful depth to which the greatest franchise of all time has fallen to. A new Pokémon will be highlighted every so often for discomfort and entertainment. Guest articles and contributions will be also posted from time to time, as well as humorous nostalgia and homages. This blog may evolve to something more in the future, or I may stop caring.
Squirtle, I freaking love you man.
September 26th, 2011
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